Can I forgive you? Can I ever put you in that place where I lay down my guard entirely for you again? Can I actually feel, beyond all reasonable doubt, that I can find a place in my heart to turn around to see you as the man I used to love? I don’t even know if there's anything to forgive, besides life and what it does to people. Life changes our hearts. Life makes us say and do things that we've never thought to say or do. Life puts a constant test to ourselves. But it stands a greater challenge to love.

We often make promises in the heat of passion that we don’t live up to keep. And we don’t forgive unfulfilled promises, especially the ones on which we can’t see any effort taken.

Perhaps I should step aside, just for a little while, only to put our years together under perspective. You were there for so many milestones. You’ve helped me write my story. You’ve changed it permanently, as I change yours.

I can’t promise you anything I might fail to keep. Only that I won’t give up easily. There’s an ironic force on the universe that keeps me from walking away. Even after watching you, so many times, too many times, walking away from me. I know you love me, I do, probably almost as much as I do you. But there’s a horror movie going, time and time and again, over my head in which I end up alone, lying on the cold floor, holding my knees, weeping my heart off out of pain, hate, fear and resentment of having you leaving me so easily, so lightly. I’ve hated you so much for that. For not loving me enough, for not fighting for me harder, for not preventing my tears, for not protecting me from all the world’s harm that hurted me so. But I guess you’ve hurted me more. Because you’ve promised me never to let anything water my eyes. So, can I sincerely, and with all my heart, forgive you? Do you want to be forgiven?

I really don’t know. But I’ll keep on trying. At least for as long as I can’t let you go.